These came through on a forwarded e-mail and made me laugh... a lot. Thought I would share my favorites. (I don't know who wrote them, if you do let me know).
* I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
* Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete oppostie direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
* I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
* The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work e-mail with the phrase "Regards" again.
* Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow on it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards of FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.
* How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
* I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
* Lol has gone from meaning, "laughing out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".
* Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.
* Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
* Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that G as in...(10 seconds lapse)...ummm...Goonies".
* MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
* I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
* If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.
* Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem...
*I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
* I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
* The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fatso before dinner.
* There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.